Innocent as a Human
by Jyuulii
Summary: Victoria visits the Hellsing chapel, horrified by herself, after killing humans for the first time on a mission.


**Innocent as a Human**

A lanky, fair-haired woman sat at the hefty desk in her study, chin in hand as she perused the heavy stack of papers before her. One deft hand lay on the desk, trigger-calloused fingers occasionally flicking one of the papers aside. Soon, the lightest, most precise of knocks sounded on the thick wooden door, and the butler appeared, carrying a pale, delicate tea-set.

"Thank you, Walter," she said simply, as the elderly man placed the tray upon the desk. He filled a cup and added a layer of milk, sliding it over to the woman.

Sir Integral Hellsing watched the milk billow as it settled into the tea. It moved in waves, rippling through the small cup, before finally calming. She watched until it was done, and then lifted the cup to her lips and took a sip. Walter stood obediently by her side, waiting for her to finish.

This was a timeless ritual that Integral had observed, almost without exception, every day of her leadership of the Royal Protestant Knights Organization. Her father had kept the same tradition, and come hell or high water, she was going to _keep_ it. She was very protective of her tea, this woman.

Walter had just bent over the desk to examine the papers, squinting through his monocole, when a sudden, heavy rain started to splatter against the window. It drummed on the roofs and spires of the Hellsing manor. A keening wind had started, along with peals of deep thunder. The dogs had started baying.

She turned to eye the shadowy window, and the tempest that it revealed.

"I take this storm to mean that Alucard has returned."

Walter glanced up from the papers.  "Yes, Madam."

"Must he _always_ make such an entrance? Send someone to calm the hounds. He _knows they go mad when he does this."  Heavy disapproval marked her voice._

The butler straightened, with a crisp "As you wish, Sir Integral. May I note that the hounds are here specifically to sound when a vampire is nearing. They are, in essence, simply fulfilling their duty."

"But they're a nuisance when Alucard's around. He so loves to provoke them."

Walter nodded and disappeared through the doorway, taking the tea-set with him. After a few minutes, the dogs were silenced and the storm abated. Integral waited a moment longer, and as she predicted, the familiar red-clad shape of the master vampire strolled through her wall.

"You have far too many bad habits," she remarked wryly, not looking up from the reports in front of her. She could almost feel the malevolent red eyes watching her.

"As you never fail to remind me, master," the deep voice replied, half-growling, half-purring.

Now she looked up, and saw that he was leaning against the wall, arms crossed. His trademark crimson hat was missing, as it often was when he came to speak to her.

"Make your report, Alucard."

"The target was eliminated without problem. A few civilians got in the way; the policewoman took care of them. She is improving."

"But yet, she does not drink," the woman mused. "Civilians, you say? Humans...? Where is the policewoman now?"

"In the chapel, I assume."

Seras Victoria stood in Hellsing's chapel, her monstrous Halconnen slung over her shoulder. Tearstains ran through the grime on her cheeks, and both she and her cannon were covered in blood. Her hair was matted with it.

_Human blood,_ she thought, writhing inwardly with disgust and shame. All this time, she had struggled to retain the last few vestiges of humanity remaining to her. And now, it was all for nothing. One moment where she lost control...

And now she was a monster.

Victoria looked up at the large cross hanging on the chapel wall, and the words engraved beside it.

_In the name of God, impure souls of the living dead shall be banished into eternal damnation. Amen._

Not very many Hellsing employees frequented the chapel. She was, in fact, the only one. _Maybe they don't come because **I'm** here, _she thought bitterly, laying a hand upon the cross. Her hand burned, but she disregarded the pain.

"The reason the soldiers don't come to the chapel is because it cannot help them. There is nothing for them here."

Victoria looked back, and saw Integral standing quietly by the entrance, hands in the pockets of her jacket.

"Aren't any of them religious?"

"Of course they are. We are Hellsing – her Majesty's Royal Protestant Knights. But our soldiers learnt long ago to depend on none but themselves and their teammates. Praying will change nothing."

"But..." Victoria struggled with this.  "But what if they want forgiveness for something they've done...?"

"Redemption?"  Integral smiled.  "Our men have seen the worst of horrors that this world, and the next, have to offer. They are beyond redemption." 

And with that, the lady Hellsing departed, leaving Seras Victoria with her own turbulent thoughts.

Never before had she felt so alone.


End file.
